When trying to support your loved ones who are experiencing grief and loss, it is crucial to take into account what stage of life they’re in and how that will affect their grieving process. With older adults, it is vital to consider that while they oftentimes have experienced loss and grief and know how to cope with it, they still need support and understanding.

The Stages of Grief, Explained

When thinking about loss, the five stages of grief often come to mind: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what are these stages? The five stages of grief aren’t step-by-step emotions that everyone goes through and then stops grieving. They are broad labels used to describe the different feelings one goes through when grieving. However, not everyone experiences all five stages of grief, and those who do often don’t experience them as they’re portrayed in the media. 

The five stages of grief weren’t initially intended for those experiencing loss; the five stages of grief were created by Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and were used to describe the feelings she witnessed terminally ill patients go through when coping with their illness. So, while using the five stages of grief to explain the grieving process can resonate with some people, it doesn’t always correctly describe the complex feelings that come with the loss of a loved one.

What Are The Stages of Grief In Older People?

Denial

With older people, denial can look like outright refusing to acknowledge or talk about how a loved one has passed, avoiding related conversations, dismissing reminders, changing the subject, or pretending the person is still alive in some way.

Anger

Anger is a common emotion felt when grieving. With older people, grief can cause anger at the world, themselves, others, and even the person who passed. Grief is a complicated emotion that can cause a multitude of feelings and can oftentimes be or feel irrational.

Bargaining

Bargaining can take many different forms; however, with older people, it typically takes the form of what-ifs and being stuck on the thought if I had only done this, this wouldn’t have happened.

Depression

With older adults, depression is oftentimes accompanied by feelings of isolation, loneliness, and self-loathing. Depression in seniors can be presented with feelings of survivor's guilt, feeling abandoned, and self-isolation to avoid feeling this loss again.

Acceptance

Unlike how it sounds, acceptance does not mean you are done grieving. Acceptance is accepting that their loved one isn’t coming back. Even if you have accepted that they’re gone and nothing is going to change that, you can and will still experience grief and sadness.

Do People Grieve Differently When They're Older?

Yes, people do grieve differently when they’re older; sadly, this is often because they have experience dealing with grief and loss, and due to this, they experience and deal with loss differently than a young adult who hasn’t experienced grief before. However, due to people assuming that older people can deal with their grief on their own, older people oftentimes don’t get the much-needed support that younger people do. While they may have experience going through loss, it doesn’t make it easier to cope with grief. It can make it more challenging to cope with grief when you’ve done it before, as it can cause you to feel as if because you’ve gone through it before, you don’t need as much time to grieve. It can cause feelings of inadequacy when they don’t feel like they’ve gotten over it quickly enough. Gentleness and presence are key for supporting someone through grief, no matter their age.

How To Support Your Senior Loved One Through the Stages of Grief

• Spend time with them.

Loneliness is a familiar feeling in older people when experiencing grief. A good way to support them and show that you care is to spend time with them and be present in their lives.

• Get them a keepsake

Sometimes, it can be helpful to gift them a keepsake to remember their loved ones who passed away. A keepsake can be anything from a touchstone to a simplistic cuff cremation bracelet. A memorial item can help them feel connected to their deceased loved one and acknowledge their death.

• Anniversaries

When experiencing grief, particular anniversaries can be difficult for your loved one to get through. When attempting to support your loved one, being present and being there for them on difficult anniversaries such as birthdays, death days, marriage anniversaries, and other difficult days can be helpful.

• Talking about grief

When supporting your loved one through hard times, it can be helpful not to avoid talking about their past loved ones. Encouraging them to talk about their loved ones or simply starting a conversation about them can be beneficial as it acknowledges that their loss is real and they’re not alone in their grief and loss.