Grief Letter Therapy: Writing a Letter to a Deceased Loved One

What is Grief Letter Therapy?

Grief letter therapy is where you write a letter to someone who has passed and use it as a way to express how you’ve been feeling and coping with the loss. Grief letter therapy is also used to say goodbye and tell them anything you wish you had said while they were still alive.

How To Write a Letter to a Deceased Loved One

Sit Down

When attempting to write a letter to a deceased loved one, the first step is to sit down somewhere where you won’t be bothered and can be comfortable and alone with your thoughts.

Pick your Writing Medium

There are multiple different writing mediums that you can use to write your letters; some people enjoy writing with a pencil and paper, while others prefer typing their letters out on a computer or even simply writing them in their phone’s notes app. Writing this letter isn’t supposed to be taxing, so you should pick whatever medium is easiest for you.

Reflect and Write

Once you’re comfortable and have the necessary tools, it’s time to start thinking about what you want to write. Some people write about their day, feelings, a goodbye, or anything they wish to talk to their loved ones about one last time. Writing a letter to a loved one is difficult, so you should take the time to reflect on what you’re feeling and wish to say to them. Once you start writing your letter, you can revise, edit, or rewrite it as often as needed. This letter is yours; you can take as much time as you want to finish it.

3 Benefits of Grief Letter Therapy

Closure

Writing letters can help you feel a sense of closure and be content with where you are in life and the loss of a loved one. When you write a letter, you can say whatever you left unsaid while they were present and let go of any lingering regrets.

Comforting

It can bring a sense of comfort to write letters. By writing a letter for your eyes only, you allow yourself to acknowledge feelings and thoughts you don’t want to say out loud or didn’t get the chance to.

Connection

With grief letter therapy, you can feel connected to those who passed and remember them as you write to them and update them on your life, feelings, and thoughts since they’ve passed. Writing letters is a way to keep their memory alive and living through you.

What Should I Write to My Deceased Loved One?

Unresolved Issues

When writing to your deceased loved one, it can be helpful to write to them about unresolved issues you may have had with them, whether that means expressing your feelings about what happened and talking about what you wish they’d done differently or apologizing about something and reflecting on past conflicts and what you wish you’d done differently.

About Your Day

You can write about your day and what you’ve been up to. Writing about your day can mean writing about the good things that happened that week or day, telling them about what you’ve accomplished, or simply writing about what you did on a random Tuesday. Writing about your day can be as simple as saying that you went out to lunch or expressing what you’ve been feeling as you go about your daily life.

How You’re Feeling

While writing your letter, you can always write about how you’re feeling. Writing about your feelings can mean writing about how you’ve been coping and what emotions you’ve been going through, and it can also mean simply writing about how your day at work or school was and what happened to make you feel that way.

Things Left Unsaid

Oftentimes, when someone has passed, you can have things you wish you would’ve told them while they were still alive. These can be as simple as saying that you love them or sharing complex feelings you didn’t express while they were alive. 
  
You can write anything you want when writing a letter to your deceased loved one, whether it be about how you’ve been or memories you shared with them. When writing your letter, you should write about whatever feels right.

What Should I Do with the Letter When I'm Done?

When you’re done writing your letter, it’s entirely up to you what you do with it, whether to keep it or throw it away. A popular method to dispose of letters is to burn them, as it can be thought of as a way to send your letters to them. Lighting them on fire and watching them burn can also be therapeutic. If you choose to burn your letters, make sure you do it safely and in a place where you won’t start a fire, such as over an empty sink, and then throw away the ashes once it has stopped burning. Burning over a trash can isn't recommended, as it can lead to the trash bag catching fire. You can also burn them in a fireplace or over a candle if you are cautious. You can also choose to keep your letters in a box or another special place, as writing letters can be similar to keeping a journal because it’s a way to express your feelings and cope with challenging days. These letters can be a memorial to you and your loved one’s relationship, whatever you do with them.