What is Grief Shaming & How to Help A Grieving Person Better

Grief is a profoundly personal journey, varying widely from one individual to another. It's a universal experience, yet how we navigate through it can deeply affect our healing process. In recent years, a concerning trend known as "grief shaming" has emerged, where individuals facing loss are judged or criticized for the way they mourn. This form of judgment not only deepens the pain of those grieving but also isolates them at a time when support and understanding are most needed. With a clear understanding of grief shame, you’ll be better prepared to assist friends and loved ones as they journey through their unique grief process.

What is Grief Shaming?

Grief shaming happens when people pass judgment on how someone is dealing with loss, suggesting that there is a "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. It can manifest through comments about the duration of someone's grief, their method of expressing sadness, or their decisions to return to daily activities. At its core, grief shaming stems from a lack of understanding and empathy towards the highly individual nature of mourning. It disregards the fact that grief can encompass a wide range of emotions and that each person's journey through it is unique. The impact of grief shaming can be deeply harmful, potentially leading to feelings of guilt, isolation, and compounded grief, as individuals may feel pressured to suppress their emotions to conform to societal expectations. For example, the loss of a pet can be quite traumatic; however, non-pet owners can have a difficult time comprehending the bereaved’s grief process.

How to Help A Grieving Person Better

Supporting someone who is grieving is about presence rather than perfection. It's essential to approach the bereaved with empathy, offering a listening ear and acknowledging their pain without judgment. It’s not your job to “fix” their grief. Each encounter with grief is different and needs to be respected. Practical support can also be incredibly helpful, whether assisting with daily tasks, providing meals, or simply offering company. The key is to let the grieving individual lead the way; they should dictate what they need and how they wish to be supported. Grief-stricken individuals who feel safe and supported are able to face their feelings, healthily process their grief, and engage in life more fully. By creating a safe space for them to express their grief in their own time and manner, you contribute significantly to their healing journey.

Words to Help a Grieving Person

Offering comfort to someone who is grieving can be as simple as choosing compassionate words that acknowledge their pain and validate their feelings. Phrases like "I'm here for you," "Your feelings are valid," and "Take all the time you need" can provide significant comfort. It's also helpful to ask how they're feeling and listen genuinely, allowing them to share their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Again, avoid trying to fix their pain with solutions; instead, focus on offering support and understanding. Remember, the goal is not to erase the pain but to stand with them through it, demonstrating that they’re not alone in their grief.

What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

While intentions might be good, certain phrases can inadvertently cause pain. Saying things like "They're in a better place," "You need to move on," or "I know exactly how you feel" can minimize the grieving person's feelings. These statements can come across as dismissive or insensitive, implying that their grief is something to be overcome quickly or that their unique experience of loss is easily understood by others. Instead of normalizing or comparing the situation with your own experiences, focus on listening and acknowledging the bereaved individual's unique feelings and experiences.

More Ways to Help with Grief

Along with verbal support, there are many other ways to assist someone who is grieving. Practical help can relieve some of their day-to-day burdens, such as running errands, cooking meals, or helping with household chores. Being present, whether through spending time with them or just being available to talk when they're ready, can offer immense comfort. Also, consider sending thoughtful gestures like cards, flowers, or personalized gifts to remind them they are loved and not alone. Long-term support is crucial; checking in on them regularly and being there for them, not just in the immediate aftermath of loss but in the weeks, months, and even years that follow, can make a significant difference in their healing process.

By understanding grief shaming and consciously choosing to offer empathetic and practical support, we can help those in mourning navigate their journey of loss with love and respect. It's about creating a space where grief is acknowledged, respected, and allowed to unfold naturally, without pressure or judgment. In doing so, we contribute to a more compassionate and understanding society—one that recognizes the complexity of grief and offers genuine support to those in need!