What is Delayed Grief & How to Cope

While grieving may be a universal experience, each individual's grief process is unique. There's no telling how we’ll respond when a loss occurs—even if we’ve faced grief several times.
Just as many forms of grief exist as there are shades of grey. One less understood aspect of grief is when it doesn’t manifest immediately after a loss but is delayed, surfacing weeks, months, or even years later. This phenomenon, known as delayed grief, can be puzzling and overwhelming for those experiencing it and for their loved ones trying to provide support.

What is Delayed Grief?

Delayed grief, also known as postponed grief, refers to a situation where the symptoms of grief emerge long after the loss has occurred. This delay can range from months to years before the individual begins to confront or experience the intensity of their grief. The grieving process is put on hold, and the person appears to move on with their life, only to find that the grief resurfaces at a later time, often unexpectedly.

What Causes Delayed Grief?

Delayed grief can be caused by various factors, including the need to remain strong for others, the presence of other life stresses that require immediate attention, or even subconsciously avoiding the pain associated with the loss. Sometimes, an individual might not even recognize they have not fully processed their grief until a seemingly unrelated event triggers a flood of emotions.

How to Deal with Delayed Grief

Dealing with delayed grief involves acknowledging the grief process and allowing oneself to experience the emotions associated with the loss. Here are five ways to manage delayed grief effectively:

Recognition and Acceptance

The first step is acknowledging that you have feelings and emotions that need to be properly addressed. It can be scary to face the overwhelming feelings that come with loss, but it's the only way to process it healthily. Accept that grief is a normal response to loss, regardless of when it appears. If you don't deal with your grief, it will only continue to search for ways to express itself—usually in negative or disruptive ways.

Seek Support

There’s no need to suffer in silence and isolation. Friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional support. Professional help from a therapist specializing in grief counseling can be particularly beneficial.

Express Your Feelings

Find a way to express what you’re feeling. It could be through talking, writing, art, or any form of expression that feels right for you!

Create a Ritual

Engaging in a ritual, like visiting your departed loved one’s resting place, spending time in one of their favorite spots, or creating a space in your home to remember them, can provide a way to honor your loved one and help process the delayed grief.

Self-Care

Grief can be exhausting. Prioritize self-care by ensuring you get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in physical activity. Be gentle with yourself during this time!

Signs of Delayed Grief

Recognizing delayed grief can be challenging as it can manifest in various ways, often masquerading as other issues. If you suspect you or someone you care about is affected by delayed grief, there are four common signs to look for:

Unexpected Emotional Responses

You might find yourself experiencing sudden bouts of sadness, anger, or guilt out of context to your current life events.

Changes in Behavior

Changes in behavior might include withdrawing from social activities you used to enjoy, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, or an inability to concentrate on tasks.

Physical Symptoms

Grief can also present physically, such as unexplained aches, fatigue, or changes in your health.

Anniversary Reactions

Feeling a resurgence of grief around the anniversary of the loss or other significant dates is very common. Even years after a loss, it's normal to experience grief in these moments.

How to Help Someone Going Through Delayed Grief

Supporting someone experiencing delayed grief can make a significant difference in their healing process. Here are four ways you can help:

Listen Without Judgment

Offer them a safe space to express their feelings without trying to fix them or offer unsolicited advice. When the bereaved feel safe and supported, they’re more likely to share their emotions and process their feelings. Don't worry about saying the “right” words because there are none. Your presence is what's most important to grief-stricken individuals.

Encourage Professional Help

If their grief seems overwhelming or persistent, encourage them to seek support from a mental health professional. Just talking about the loss can offer tremendous relief for the bereaved.

Be Patient

Understand that grief has no timeline. Be patient and continue to offer your support, even if the bereaved’s process seems prolonged.

Offer Practical Help

Sometimes, the best support is practical, such as helping with daily tasks or offering to accompany them to a support group.

Delayed grief is a complex experience, but with the right support and coping strategies, individuals can navigate through it and find a way to live with their loss healthily. Recognizing the signs and seeking or offering support are critical steps in the healing journey. Remember, grief, even when delayed, is a testament to love. It's essential to approach it with kindness, understanding, and patience, whether you're the one experiencing it or supporting someone who is.