Dealing with and coping with grief is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, and there are multiple different coping mechanisms people have used to come to terms with grief and loss. When dealing with loss, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to go about it, and sometimes, it can be hard to discern what is and what isn’t an unhealthy coping mechanism for grief.

What Are Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms For Grief?

Denial

While some denial is a normal part of loss, it's important to acknowledge that you’re struggling when you're grieving. Prolonged denial can hamper your ability to heal and move forward. By refusing to recognize your grief or loss, you aren’t getting rid of the negative feelings. You’re only pushing them down; eventually, those feelings will return. Staying in denial prevents you from processing your grief and healing.

Escapism

It can be challenging to be present in life and feel connected to people when grieving. Because of this, people use multiple forms of escapism to try and cope by disconnecting from life. Escapism can be tricky to recognize as it can be anything, such as reading, video games, food, and other everyday things, taken to an extreme. The act and effects of doing these things can be positive when used in moderation. Still, too much of anything can be harmful, especially when it's done obsessively and used to disconnect from the world for long periods.

Substances

Using substances such as drugs or alcohol is a common coping mechanism used to cope with grief. However, not only can it lead to addiction, but it can also lead to harsher consequences when used irresponsibly and in excessive amounts. When experiencing grief, it’s advised to avoid using alcohol, drugs, and other substances as a form of escapism. If you are experiencing issues with substance abuse, it could be helpful to seek professional counseling or attend a support group for those in similar situations.

Over or Under-Eating

Like other forms of escapism, over or under-eating can be used as a distraction to cope with grief or loss. For some people, this can be overeating, and the process of cooking is used to distract them from their feelings, whereas, for others, it can be forgetting to eat or choosing not to and using their hunger as a distraction or a way to self-harm. Both extremes are dangerous as they could quickly evolve into eating disorders and cause mental and physical health issues. Again, some loss of appetite or comfort eating is expected, but please talk to your doctor if you’re concerned.

Staying Busy

Giving yourself time to grieve and process is crucial to healing and moving on. While some people might fall into a depressive period where they feel as if they get nothing done, others avoid dealing with their grief by staying busy and keeping their minds occupied with other things, essentially overworking themselves to the point where they don’t have enough energy or time left to process their grief. Scheduling time to grieve or intentionally saying no to extra responsibilities during this period can help prevent burnout and help you move through your grief naturally.

What Are Healthy Coping Mechanisms For Grief?

Physical Activity

Physical activity is a great way to deal with and process grief because it helps you release pent-up emotions and frustrations. Physical activity can be anything from lifting weights to running short runs or walking. Dancing around your bedroom or gently stretching in front of the TV are also great options if you’re feeling low energy.

Talking

Talking with someone about what you’re feeling and going through is a great way to deal with grief. Talking with someone can mean confiding in a counselor, joining a support group, communicating with your family, or simply talking to a friend. The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to deal with grief alone and that there are people who want to support and help you get through this.

Self Expression

Using self-expression to cope with grief can involve journaling, painting, singing, writing, and other forms of creativity. The point is to process and think about your feelings as you create, effectively processing and thinking through your feelings in a positive way.  

Setting Aside Time to Grieve

Setting aside time to grieve is an essential part of coping with grief. This time can be spent on physical activity, self-expression, or simply sitting, grieving, and reminiscing about happier times. It allows you to process your emotions, acknowledge your pain, and gradually find a path toward healing.

Having a Memorial

When attempting to cope and move on after experiencing a loss, it can be helpful to have a memorial or ceremony to say goodbye and symbolize moving on and new beginnings formally. Holding a memorial can provide a sense of closure and comfort. A ceremony can also offer a meaningful way to honor and remember your loved one. Even something as simple as marking your loved one’s final resting place on a Memory Map honors their legacy and allows others to do the same. 

When determining whether a coping mechanism is healthy, it's good to remember that too much of anything can be detrimental. So long as you use moderation, you’ll be fine. If you’re having trouble setting or determining limits, you can always ask for an outside opinion from a friend, therapist, or family member. Seeking outside opinions when grieving can be helpful as it offers an unbiased opinion on whether or not what you’re using to cope is helping or simply putting grieving off for later.