What to Say to a Friend Who Lost a Parent

When a friend loses a parent, it can be challenging to figure out what to say to them and how to be there for them. The most important thing is ensuring they know you love them and can count on you if needed. Even if you don’t have the perfect words, your presence, patience, and willingness to listen can mean everything. Grief is complex and personal, so a steady, nonjudgmental presence allows them to process their emotions at their own pace. A simple message, a shared silence, or sitting beside them can speak louder than anything you could say.

What NOT to Say (And Why)

• “I understand how you feel.” Even if you have lost a parent or have undergone similar experiences, everyone has different feelings and thoughts when going through the loss of a parent. So this phrase isn’t usually a comforting one to hear, as you can never truly understand how someone feels when they’ve just lost a parent.
• “You’re lucky you have other family members.” While they may be lucky to have other family members, this phrase is insensitive. It will ultimately leave your friend feeling worse, as having other family members doesn’t lessen the grief surrounding losing a parent.
• “Time heals all wounds.” While this may be true, in the moment as they are grieving, it can be challenging to think of a time when they will be healed from such a significant loss. It can cause issues later on, as they’ll feel like they should be healed, and it can cause frustration that they’re not over it.
• “They’re in a better place.” While this can be comforting for someone who shares the same religious beliefs, it's best to leave this out if you have differing beliefs on the afterlife or don’t know their beliefs.

How to Be Present Without Words

While talking about their feelings and making sure that they know they can talk to you is essential and helpful, many times, your friend will be reluctant to talk about their feelings and ask for help, so it can be beneficial to know how to be there for them even if they don’t want to talk about it.

• Show up: Some underestimate the importance of being there for someone by showing up when needed. Showing up can be coming to your friend's house, texting, or spending time with them, which can make a huge difference.
• Be consistent: When someone loses a parent, it can feel like their life is unstable and in disarray, so consistency can help restore a sense of stability. Being consistent can mean sending them a text every morning or meeting up with each other regularly.
• Respect their space: While it’s important to let your friend know that you’re there for them and can reach out to you if they need someone to talk to, respecting their space and giving them time to themselves is essential. Knowing when you’re not respecting someone’s space can be difficult when trying to be supportive and make sure they know you care. A good guideline would be to text them before coming over and communicate with them.
• Offer Practical Help: Sometimes the most meaningful way to show up for someone is through action rather than conversation. Grief can make even the most minor tasks feel overwhelming. Offering to bring them food, help with errands, do their laundry, or walk their dog shows that you care without needing to say much. These small acts of service can provide relief and support in ways words can’t. Don’t wait for them to ask; most people struggle to know how to ask for help, so offering specific tasks gently can be deeply appreciated.

What to Say Instead (Sincere, Supportive Examples)

• “I’m sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything or need to talk.” Saying this is a straightforward thing that you can tell your friend, and while it can seem simple sometimes, saying it outright is the best way to let them know.
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.” Sometimes, admitting that you don’t know what they’re going through can be validating and help them understand that what they’re feeling is valid and that even if you don’t know what they’re going through, you’re still here for them as they go through it.
• “I wish I had the right words. Just know that I care, and I’m here.” It’s okay if you don’t know what to say; simply saying that and then telling them you care is enough.
• “Take all the time you need, I’m not going anywhere.” This sentence lets your friend know there’s no pressure to grieve on a timeline or “move on.” It reassures them that your support is steady and long-term, even if they need space. This gesture can provide comfort when everything feels uncertain and help them feel less alone as they navigate their grief.