How Grief Changes You & Why That's Okay

When you experience grief, you’re bound to change due to the sheer amount of emotions you’re feeling when going through the loss of someone you loved. The intensity of those emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, even guilt, can be overwhelming, and they often push you to confront parts of yourself you may not have acknowledged before. Experiencing loss can lead to deep introspection on who you are, what you value most, and what you want to do with your life moving forward. Grief forces you to pause and reflect in a way that everyday life rarely allows. While it’s painful, grief can also be transformative. It can give you a renewed sense of purpose, inspire greater empathy and compassion for others, and help you develop emotional resilience. Grief changes you, but it doesn’t have to be for the worse; it can be the beginning of growth, deeper understanding, and a more meaningful life.

The Shift That Follows Loss

With loss, there’s often a shift in how you think about life, accompanied by the sobering realization that life isn’t forever and that your time on this earth will eventually come to an end. This realization can often cause people to appreciate their loved ones more deeply and cherish even the simplest moments spent together. It can lead to a heightened awareness of what truly matters, encouraging reevaluating personal values, goals, and priorities. Many people find themselves inspired to live more intentionally, to pursue their passions, and to become the kind of person they truly want to be.

Why It's Okay to Change

It’s okay to change. Change is natural and how we grow and mature as people. A change caused by grief isn’t automatically bad. Though it seems harsh, some of the best and most drastic changes have been inspired by grief and the jarring reality of life. Changing is okay and a natural response to grief. Allowing yourself to evolve after a loss can show strength, resilience, and self-awareness. It means you're adapting to a new reality and honoring your past and the person or experience that shaped who you’re becoming.

How Can Grief Change You?

• Thoughts

When you experience grief, it can cause a shift in your thoughts and what you think about. These thoughts are often a precursor to change, as they are influenced by grief and the emotions you’re experiencing, which can lead to changing how you want to go about your life. You may begin to reevaluate your goals, relationships, and overall direction, seeking more purpose, peace, or fulfillment. This mental and emotional shift often encourages people to break old patterns, form new habits, and live in a way that feels more aligned with their true selves and values.

• Way of life

Losing a loved one causes you to realize that our time on this earth could end unexpectedly at any moment, which can cause you to shift your perspective on how you want to live your life and how you want to be perceived by those around you. It often leads to a deeper appreciation for authenticity, meaningful relationships, and leaving a positive, lasting impact. You may become more intentional in your actions, more present in your interactions, and more committed to living in alignment with your values and the legacy you hope to leave behind.

• Personality

Doing a deep dive into your emotions and how you want to live your life will inspire change. It can often inspire subtle to drastic changes in your personality, and that’s okay. Your personality changing due to major life events is entirely natural and normal, and many people go through it when experiencing grief. Changes to your personality can be as minor as your sense of humor changing, to doing a complete 180 on how you react and talk to people.

• Habits

Grief can lead to changing your habits, adopting healthier ones, and changing your way of life. Changing your habits in response to grief is a common reaction that can lead to positive outcomes and changes in your daily life. These shifts might include prioritizing mental health, setting boundaries, focusing on self-care, or spending more time with loved ones, allowing space for healing and growth.

Embracing the New You

There’s nothing wrong with changing as you move on and heal from loss, but sometimes coming to terms with the fact that you’ve changed as a person can be difficult. Sometimes the best thing you can do to help come to terms with the new you is to talk to someone; this could be a friend, a family member, a professional, or even a stranger. Additionally, it can be helpful to express yourself in different ways when coming to terms with change; this can be through art, physical activity, writing, and anything else that helps you reconnect with your identity and process your emotions fully.

Works cited:

https://app.ecorial.org/memory-map
https://www.jefferson.edu/news/2022/01/hope-leads-to-transformation-from-grief.html
https://ecorial.org/blogs/articles/8-key-signs-youre-avoiding-grief-how-to-healthily-cope